One of the things that happens when you change your entire belief system is that you have a lot of redefining to do. I was a devout Christian - I believed it all and lived it as best I could. Christianity was not just a place I went to on Sunday mornings, or a box I checked on some demographic survey. It was the framework for how I lived my life.
A major category within that was love. Now, I grew up in a loving family. I had good examples of love all around me, and so I had a idea of what it meant to treat people with love. But ultimately, when conflict arose as to just what love meant -- what "love would do" if you will -- I tried to rely on the Bible, specifically the "love" chapter in 1 Corinthians 13 (love is patient, love is kind, etc.).
Now, while I still think a lot of the description of love there is good and valid, it's not necessarily the be-all end-all of what defines love. I have learned that I have to define it for myself.
Recently I had a major conflict with someone I am very close to; in fact the conflict has not been resolved yet. Although part of me wants to respond in anger (and at times I did) I sort of gave myself a time-out to think about things more. And one of the major things I kept thinking was this: "How do I deal with this in the context of treating this person with love?"
You see, I don't need a god to tell me what love is. I don't need someone who went around smiting people all the time, and telling people how awful they were, as an example of how I should behave to people who I think have treated me unfairly. I think there has to be a better way.
Things like being patient and kind and humble are a good start. But the rest is left to me. I can define love, and what it means for how I treat people around me, in a way that doesn't follow a set of rigid guidelines from a book written by some guys who probably needed yet another way to control their wives.
It's not easy, but I'm trying. And I'm keeping that in the back of my mind as I express my thoughts and feelings to someone who's hurt me deeply - that I love this person, and it means something even without religion.
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I have to be honest and say that while part of me is shocked another part isn't. Well, that other part sorta is surprised ;) but I could kinda see from the time I first started reading you way back that you had questions. You remind(ed) me so much of a really good friend (which isn't a bad thing).
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, I still love you no matter what/who you are.
You are still you after all.
Thanks Forest ;) I am indeed still me.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit that even though I don't know you that well, I was a little surprised too, but I do believe that we all have to follow our own beliefs and convictions, and not be so judgemental of each other (it seems to cause so many problems in the world already) Of course when I say we, I mean everyone, and not us as in you and I, but you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteWhat I do know about you, I've always liked, and that, my dear hasn't changed.
Hope you have a fabulous weekend!
Hello, Lunamor. I just dropped by to say hello and wish you well. I saw one of your comments on John Loftus's blog, and was intrigued by the comment itself and by your nick. Though I must confess I was intigued the most by your picture! (Sorry: men will be men);).
ReplyDeleteI liked your blog a lot. Keep it up.
Thanks for stopping by, Wizzy! :)
ReplyDeletePiero - Thanks for dropping by. I have wonder which comment intrigued you - was it that childbirth makes women more likely to believe in God? ;)