Happiness matters.

"There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life." -Atheist Bus Campaign

So, here it is, Sunday again. The "just another day" day. I'm not feeling too well, but my man said something about showing my blog to his friend, so I sort of feel the need to say something impressive, or at least not as drivelous as the speeches at the National Society of Pocket Protectors Annual Conference.

As I have mentioned before, I'm not a scholar, so you probably won't find a lot of deep ideas here, just my thoughts and feelings and experiences. Now, I tend to run those very things through my intellectual processor more and more these days, but they still are just that: personal.

This weekend I'm cleaning up my home, getting it ready for a new owner to take possession on Wednesday. Although I have been divorced for awhile, I only moved out last September, and it is still a little emotional. Mostly the emotions are about losing the house I lived in with my kids, but it does give me a chance to think about the failed marriage too (especially with the ex working in the same space as me for hours at a time).

My nearly 13 year marriage had been troubled for a very long time - pretty much since the 2nd year. And one of the biggest reasons it lasted as long as it did was religion. It was morally wrong to get a divorce. Now, I know some might say, "But we know lots of Christians who are divorced!" You have a point. But a, I'm willing to bet it was not a lightly made choice for the devout ones, and b, that was never me.

About 6 months before I made the decision to contact a lawyer and truly get my divorce going, there was a very dark time in my marriage in which I wanted to separate. I was mostly getting guidance from church folk, whose message was "stay at all costs." But there was another voice who couldn't understand (and could hardly believe) why I would do something just because a book told me to, and not cut my losses before things got even worse.

"But you don't understand! This is not just a book; it's my entire philosophy of life!" Meanwhile my mental health was crumbling and I still thought my duty was not to be happy or mentally healthy, but obedient.

I had already begun having doubts about faith in God at that point, and this made me search even more fervently. And what I came away with allowed me to leave a marriage that was very bad.

One thing I obviously worried over was the effect on my children, which I'm sure I haven't even begun to see. But they are incredibly happy and well adjusted, despite their mother's choice to turn her back on a book and the religion with which they have been raised (their dad's still a believer, by the way). I'm very pleased and a little surprised that that the love we share as mother and sons has not changed one bit because of my loss of faith and marriage together.

I'm not saying atheism gives a license for families to break up; I'm saying it gave me freedom to do something which was long overdue. And the consequences have not always been easy, but the freedom to make my own choices for my own reasons has gone a long way toward me being mentally healthy. In my opinion, that makes me a better mother in many ways.

And despite what you'll learn from the Bible, happiness matters. It's a very good thing to finally be able to believe that.