What Does an Atheist Look Like?

So, I was surprised (and very pleased) that THE John Loftus visited my little ol' blog yesterday, and one of the comments he made, in jest of course, was that I became an atheist because I wanted to kill someone and needed to be morally free to do so.

Though to people like him and me, that's a funny joke, to a lot of religious people, it isn't so funny at all. I don't think it's uncommon for Christians seeing someone leave the faith to assume it was because that person just wanted to sin til the cows came home, or til Dick Clark REALLY retired. In fact, I think I recall that judgment being made of Mr. Loftus, which is crazy if they'd read his book or his blog. The man has done a LOT of reading, researching and thinking. And if you think a former pastor would up and leave his faith (and profession) for something so simple as being able to sin freely, obviously you've never heard of televangelists.

As a former devout Christian, I know very well what is thought of nonbelievers. I don't think I ever thought they were evil, per se, but I did tend to pity them and felt bad they were going to hell. However, I did think that being an atheist gave them moral license to do whatever the hell they wanted, whether it something as bad as murder or as benign as saying a curse word.

And then I met one. I didn't just meet him - I became dear friends with him and ultimately became his partner. Side note: he didn't convert me to atheism - I was already seeking when I met him.

Moving on...this man had never been close to anyone as religious as me, and I'd never known anyone as atheist as him (is that a thing? degrees of atheism? Well I say it, thus it be). And you know what? He never judged me. He never said, "You're stupid for thinking that." He patiently answered questions I had, allowed me to engage him in long conversations about religion and the lack thereof, and even admitted that he did envy parts of those who had a faith.

But the thing that struck me most were the qualities in him I didn't think were possible in an atheist. For one, he was happy. And he hadn't always been happy; he actually went through some very dark times - and came through it a better man, WITHOUT religion. I didn't know that sort of change was possible without God. For another, he was hopeful. He doesn't need an idea of afterlife to be hopeful in this one. And lastly, he's a decent, moral person. He wants to be fair and do right by people, and he's what I think most would consider a good, moral man.

What I have found about myself since losing my faith is that I am basically still the same person I was. I still love my kids just as much, I still do nice things for other people, I still try to be as fair and good as I possibly can. I'm a fairly selfless person, as people go (I think that's the mom in me!)But the difference now is I don't do it because I will be punished OR rewarded if I do - I do it because I want to. Because it fulfills me and makes me and others happy. And, I don't beat myself up because I say "fuck" or have impure thoughts or double-dip my chips. The balance of freedom and still feeling good about myself is the best its ever been.

So, that's what an atheist CAN look like. Are you surprised?