That's what Sunday is now for me. And I like it that way.
I suppose the cat will be out of the bag now; both these blogs will show up on my blogger profile because I just don't have time to keep up different user names for different blogs here. Blah blah blah. I had a blog at JS by this same name, but precious few people knew it. The name is actually "zetetic" backwards, which basically means a seeker.
The reason I kept my former citetez blog mostly a secret was that a good deal of my JS friends (as is per the usual in the US) are Christians, if not fundamentalists, then at least nominally so. And, in the beginning, I was too. I was a Christian for the first 33 years of my life, before I found I just wasn't buying it anymore. And it wasn't just Christianity I was doubting - it was the very existence of God. (I capitalize it out of respect for my theist readers - not because I think it deserves it).
There are a host of reasons for it, but I will say that the first thing that started me on a quest for more answers was the arbitrariness of prayer (George Carlin has a HILARIOUS take on this; the act is on Youtube somewhere). But I'll admit the problem of evil was something that kept me up at night as well. I won't go into it much here; I have just started a book by John Loftus, who also has a blog here called Debunking Christianity, and once I get to his treatment of the problem of evil I'll likely do a post on it here.
At the moment, I think I'd consider myself agnostic. I'm not quite ready for that label of atheist, and maybe it's all just semantics, I don't know. I do know that losing my faith was quite possibly the most painful thing I have ever experienced, and that includes a life in which I lost my mother at a young age, finding out my father was at one time a very dangerous man, a divorce when I had 3 kids and a salary of $800 a month, and a whole host of other things which I may or may not discuss here. I did not come by it lightly, and it was not an emotional decision. It came through a couple of years of intense soul-searching, reading, discussing, bargaining and finally coming to the conclusion that what I believed for so long probably was not true.
In my journey, Julia Sweeney was one person I began to read, because she lost her faith as well. Yes, the same Julia Sweeney who played "Pat" on Saturday Night Live. She mentioned once having serious doubts about the existence of God and thinking "what would happen if I took off my god glasses for a minute - would everything be different?" (paraphrase). And I sort of did the same thing. And things were different, but the world did not end. In fact, mentally I am healthier than I have been in years and years.
I could write forever this morning - it's a topic I'm both passionate and reticent about, usually, because I don't like to rock the apple cart. But, I should probably keep this a bit shorter in the hopes I don't put you all to sleep.
If you are Christian, you may be offended by the things you read here. That's not my intention at all. You might be disturbed, though, and I hope that you are. I was very very disturbed by some things I was reading a couple of years ago, and it led me to where I am now. And I like this place.
If you are not a Christian, you may find my thoughts and reasons and all of that elementary. That's ok; I'm not a scholar and I never claim to be. In fact, the philosophy portion of Mr. Loftus's book is kind of kicking my ass right now in the area of comprehension. But maybe the humanity of what you read will at least entertain you for awhile.
Welcome.
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People should be allowed to think and believe what they want. If it doesn't hurt someone else...I don't see the problem.
ReplyDeleteAn open mind never hurt anyone
Thanks Kona - you're my very first commenter here!
ReplyDeleteI usually call myself an atheist, as it gives the most accurate impression of my beliefs: agnostic would technically be more accurate though.
ReplyDeleteBeing from the UK, which is – whatever they may say – a largely secular country, and growing up in a secular household, it might be expected, though I was actually a Christian convert (a Pentecostal) for about a year when I was in my teens. While I regard it as being something of an aberration now, it did at least give me the opportunity to see things from both sides.
In other words I’ve given the matter of religion, and particularly Christianity, an extremely thorough scrutiny, found it utterly wanting, and have seen nothing to convince me otherwise in the subsequent 35 years: I do, however, regard myself as being open-minded, hence the ‘agnostic’ label. I hope you manage to sort things out for yourself and explain them to your friends in the same way I did. Good luck!